i don’t know what should i do with this tumblr.

hi..
i decided not to follow anyone or to reblog anymore, cause i just don’t think people would ever want to follow/reblog me, i wouldn’t
so you (i know that no one is actually reading this but it doesn’t matter) are probably asking why i do have a tumblr or why i am writing this..
well, today i was on my facebook and one girl had posted a video ”hi my name is..’ or something like that, i saw it, and that touched me because i imagined myself saying those things, i know it’s stupid, but i did, i cried, i actualyy cry a lot.
the video was about a girl, who lost her mother (the mother suicided) and she talked about what she did.. how she felt, she cut herself, well, that was when i saw myself. no, my mom didn’t suicide or die, she is still alive, but i don’t know if this is good.. i don’t like her, i don’t like my father either. my mom? i hate her most of the times, she wants to control me, she annoys me, she tells me things about my father, and anyway, she sucks, i even feel bad about not loving my own mother, that’s awful.. and my father? he just never gave me attention, he never even loved my mather, and when he cheated and left her, he left me two, he never talks to me, he knows nothing about me, he didn’t even give me the authorization for traveling, my mom had to sue him, and the judge gave me my authorization, i hate him too, the rest of my family (i mean, my mom’s family, cause my dad’s doesn’t even care i exist) believes my mother, and my mother always lies, mostly about me, when we fight or something (we fight a lot), and my family must think i’m a monster, i don’t hate them, i just don’t love them. my friends? they judge me because they found out i cut myself, a long time ago, they don’t know how many times i did it or something, they don’t understand, they even talked about it out loud with people who didn’t know about it till the time. my best friend, that i know since i was 4 used to judge me too, until she did it to herself, that was when she started to understand. the last time i cut myself was 2 or 3 weeks ago, i’m afraid i keep on doing that, i’m ashamed, i try so hard not to do it. i’m sad most of the times, but no one knows, i don’t know if i’m depressed, or if i’m bipolar, or if i have any problem, cause i can’t tell anyone about it, i get mad with any little thing, little little little thing, ANYthing. my personal life is a disaster, i care too much about what people think and i do or don’t do things because of them. music is medicine, but it just doesn’t work everytime. i’ve already tried to kill myself, but it just doesn’t work because i’m too weak for that. i take my mom’s medicine sometimes, it doedn’t really help, but i keep doing it. i felt the need of posting it just as a scape, i needed to take this out of me, to tell ‘someone’, i’m exploding, i can’t handle this anymore, i don’t know why i’m still alive, no one loves me, no one would miss me, no one would care if i died. i cried while writing this, i’m still crying. you know what most touched me in the video? in the end the girl said ‘someone cares about you.. i care about tou, i care’ and i don’t know why but it meant a lot to me, even if it’s not true, but it was important. i  tend to rebel against the world. and if you think this is one of those texts/videos/posts that the person tells ‘it gets better’ ‘you are loved’, it’s not, i’m falling apart, the world is awful, it’s hell. and i’d like to end this text with a shakespeare sentence: ”hell is empty, all the devils are here”.

I’m thinking about just rebloging and posting on this tumblr, after all, i created this only for posting whatever is on my fucking mind